theshipyard | •||• Mathari (Ari) Lavellan

•||• Mathari (Ari) Lavellan

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Despite having a strong sense of self Mathari is also something of a supporter/people pleaser, meaning that she makes time for other people's problems and requests. As a result her play-through resulted in a lot of deepened friendships.

- No Vallaslin
- Believes in the Maker
- Sided with Templars, made them allies
- Saved Wisdom, spared mages
- Recruited The Iron Bull
- Recruited Warden Blackwall
- Saved all villagers
- Chose to fight for "What's Right"
- Recruited Sera
- Recruited Vivienne
- Allowed Cole to stay
- Encouraged Cullen to give up Lyrium
- Supported Cole's choice to become more human
- Participated in Sera's pranks
- Became good friends with Dorian
- Became good friends with Sera
- Became good friends with Cassandra
- Became good friends with Solas
- Became good friends with Vivienne
- Became good friends with Varric
- Called for the Charger's Retreat
- Neither hardened nor softened Leliana
- Supported Cassandra for Divine
- Became a Red Jenny
- Repurposed the Inquisition to serve Divine Victoria

For my actual play-through Mathari romanced Cullen, but she is alternately shippable with The Iron Bull or Blackwall. She doesn't view either Solas or Sera in a romantic light, but admires and considers them both dear friends.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ It amazes her to think back on how quickly events had unfolded in the passing days, weeks, and months. When she'd set out to observe the events at the conclave neither she nor her Keeper could have imagined things turning out the way they had. Naturally, the biggest surprise was the ancient Tevinter magister and his pet dragon, or... archdemon, or... whatever it was. It wasn't the only surprise, however.

Mathari had always maintained a healthy wariness of humans, not from some desire to be skeptical and distrustful, but from experience. Having lost both parents in a hunting "accident" perpetuated by their kind, and given the elves long history with humanity on the whole she'd never been quite sure how to feel about them. There surely had to be good humans just as there were bad elves? With numbers so large it would be impossible for things to remain so black and white as all that. It's why she had no problem accepting The Iron Bull, or Dorian into their ranks. They didn't speak for the whole, and the whole didn't speak for them. What mattered to her was that they wanted to make things right, and whether that made them lifetime friends or for-the-moment allies the Inquisition needed all the help that it could get.

SHE needed all the help that she could get.

On that front she's wanted for little. Josephine, Leliana, Cassandra, and Cullen, they've worked tirelessly for the Inquisition, even in the midst of their own doubts and struggles. Leliana with her wavering faith, Cassandra with her doubts of whether she'd done the right thing, Josephine... Josephine hadn't come forward with any particular worries just yet, but there'd been several discussions about the nature and origin of the mark and what it meant for the times ahead. What Mathari did know, however, is that she worried for her family back in Nevarra, the same way that she herself worried for her clan in the Free Marches.

Yet it's Cullen that worries her more, at least at present. Lately he'd seemed... distracted, quieter than usual, and she'd seen a couple of glances cast his direction from Cassandra when the Seeker thought no one would take notice. She took notice. As a huntress and as one who made her place on the battleground from the shadows, these things tended to catch her attention. At first she'd thought, maybe... perhaps Cassandra held an interest? Immediately she'd been ashamed of the hurt and jealous twist in her gut, and she'd forced herself to reevaluate the situation.

On closer observation she realized it was concern that she was seeing in her friend's eyes, not longing.

Alright, then. Why concern? She wasn't in the dark for long, because when she'd gone to speak with Cullen directly to get a feel for things herself, he'd told her earnestly just what the problem was, and then it all made sense.

As the Inquisitor she probably shouldn't show favoritism, but it was no secret that she looked after as many as she could in Skyhold, wanting to be someone that remained approachable to even the soldiers and the wait staff, though she didn't doubt Vivienne quietly disapproved of such an approach (especially since Sera ate it up). She'd seen to several problems around the stronghold of both public and private natures, and so she can't help but feel that her worry for their former templar, their Commander is justified.

... Even if it isn't entirely professionally motivated. ~~Shut it, Dorian~~.

That's how she'd found herself visiting his quarters one afternoon, only to find him looking utterly lost in thought. ]

Cullen? [ No response. Now, with more emphasis and concern- ] Cullen? Is everything alright?

[ from here ]

Wicked Grace with Josephine? I'll pass. I know my limits. I'm certain she's worse than Varric by a long shot.

I've accepted I'm not very adept at misleading people. I suppose that's what drew me to the Templars to begin with.

[ that feels like an age ago. ]

Yes, I feel as though Dorian comments on it as frequently as possible. Josephine has yet to bring it up again, but I get the sense she wants to say something.

[ The Inquisition, in his opinion, seems to be shaping up nicely. He'd been worried at first, as he worries about all big decisions, but as they all found their footing, things had alleviated some of those anxieties. In particular, their Inquisitor. She isn't at all what he would've chosen, had he any say in the matter.

But sometimes, he thinks the Maker does things like this to test them all.

She's elvish, Dalish, with a streak of mischief that made her instant friends with Sera. And yet, underneath that, she's upheld her responsibilities, going out of her way to help, to gain support for the cause. Cullen's wariness had been erased as soon as he'd plucked her out of the snow, frozen to the bone and so small.

So vulnerable. He remembers thinking she wouldn't make it, thoughts spiraling on how he could've done better. Should've done better to protect Haven, the refugees, everyone. He was their Commander, for Andraste's sake. Burying an entire town should not have been an option.

And yet, here they are. It's still a sore wound, but Skyhold has been everything and more. A real setup for the Inquisition; defensible, sturdy, relatively easy for supply chains. Mathari had been named full Inquisitor upon their arrival, ritual sword gleaming in the high sun. Whatever the Maker had in store for them, he knew he'd follow this woman through it all.

He hadn't planned on that involving her in the discussion around his lyrium use, but he'd felt better once she was made aware. She deserved to know, just in case Cassandra stayed her hand when she shouldn't. Just in case he– well, hopefully it won't come to that. Besides, some days are better than others, the withdrawal abating long enough to make him feel relatively normal.

Today isn't exactly one of those days, but he's working through it. The troop reports and new scouting routes need to go out and no one else is going to be able to do them. There's an aura migraine attempting to overwhelm and he's had to re-read his sentences, entire expression pulled into one of deep concentration as the words start to feel hazy.

At the sound of his name, he looks up sharply, clearly startled. ]

Inquisitor! I didn't– yes, everything is fine. Is there something I can assist you with?

Well, for what it's worth I find your honesty to be one of my favorite qualities. We'll simply have to leave matters that require more "subtle" touches to our spymaster and ambassador.

[ He's earnest, so earnest, in fact, that it comes over in ways that and she finds both endearing and adorable. She remembers the day on the ramparts very fondly, still. ]

Hmm, I've a few ideas for how to convince them to let the matter lie. It depends on how candid you're comfortable with me being about my comings and goings, however...

I'll gladly leave all diplomatic ventures in their capable hands. You really don't want to see my try my hand at politician.

[ Deflecting, deflecting, he might be a little embarrassed by the flattery. ]

That's ah, quite alright. Truthfully, Dorian teases me about virtually everything, hole in ceiling just being one thing among many.

[ Anyone and everyone is capable of getting lost in their own thoughts, but for some it's a rarer occurrence than others. The Iron Bull, Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana are all intensely focused individuals for their various reasons, but none of them are likely to be caught with their guard down. That she's managed to do just that now leaves her feeling another flare of concern.

Stepping inside she allows the door to shut behind her. More likely than not he'll appreciate the privacy, she thinks, especially if the reason for his distraction is what she believes it to be. ]

No, not exactly. I...

[ Looking at him she visibly hesitates. There is, admittedly, a moment of doubt. What if he finds her fretting to be troublesome, or takes it the wrong way? The last thing that she wants to do is risk shaking his confidence, or give the impression she has anything less than the utmost faith in him. It's much too late to change her mind now, however, and she can't bring herself to lie about her reason for coming. Instead her eyes shift to the papers on his desk, and back to his face again. ]

I only meant to see how you've been. I realize that we're both busy with our duties, but we haven't had much opportunity to speak recently. Is it a bad time...?

[ The smile that she tries for is questioning, but her eyes are keen. His answer will help shape her next words and actions. ]

I'd dare say that's a wise decision. I only have to play the part some of the time and I find it completely exhausting. I'd rather fight demons from the Fade than demons in masks and noble robes any way that you slice it.

[ She's perfectly capable, but Maker is it ever taxing.

She sees what you're doing, Cullen, and she'll let it slide for now. ]

I do believe that means he likes you. It seems to be his way of showing affection. My brother and I used to tease one another all the time. Mercilessly.

I know where my strengths lie. It is not in...playing nice at court. I don't know how you manage so well, preference for fighting demons aside.

I suppose that—yes, I'm familiar. My older sister is much the same.

Mostly by reminding myself that it's necessary. I'd hate to have come this far only to let everyone down because I couldn't keep my composure... Josephine and Vivienne help, from time to time.

Ah yes, do you mean Mia?

I'd love to hear more about you and your siblings sometime?

Josephine and Vivienne are more than proficient at playing the Game. As is Leliana– with the three of them assisting, I'm certain you'll do even better.

Yes, she is the most... persistent of my siblings. She always has been.

Some time when neither of us are running about on dire Inquisition business, perhaps. I could not take you away from your duties.

[ And maybe he has a hard time walking away from his, even for a break. ]

[ With the door closed, he does relax a little bit, a veneer of privacy. Any moment and someone else could knock and demand his attention, but for now it's just the two of them.

Which doesn't really make him feel less anxious, even if his stomach does this weird warm flip at the idea. No, that's silly.

Placing his quill in its pot, he directs his gaze to the Inquisitor, feeling the initial startle pass. She's... checking in on him? At first he feels a prickle of fear that this is it. That he's messed up somehow, some way, and she means to dismiss him from his post. He supposes he expected Leliana or Cassandra, but it makes just as much sense for it to be Mathari. She is the Inquisitor after all.

Perhaps that isn't the reason for her visit. Cullen returns the smile, but it's perfunctory, strained at the corners. ]

No, please. I've always time for you, Inquisitor.

The vote of confidence is certainly appreciated, Commander.

[ That text is trying SO damned hard to convey flirtatiousness that it's almost funny. ]

There always seems to be something new just around the corner, doesn't there? Not that I dislike being productive, mind you, but...

Perhaps by some miracle we'll manage to find enough time when neither Skyhold nor the rest of the civilized world are falling apart. Until then, at least we can speak this way.

[ Again, he can't see the grateful smile in the tone but maybe it comes across anyway. Small victories, she'll take them wherever they can. ]

If I'm not keeping you from anything urgent, how has your day fared? Aside from the possible teasing, that is.

[ The journey back to Skyhold has been long, even considering the enjoyable company. They'd set out for the Western Approach a few short weeks prior, a party consisting of Mathari, The Iron Bull, Dorian, and Cole. There were some points of concern in the area and it was mutually agreed that it would make sense to address them, since they were waiting for word back before they could make their next move in dealing with Corypheus, regardless.

Unsealed rifts, reports of darkspawn, Venatori sightings, a fort that had been overrun and taken over by either bandits or Venatori, the researcher and his tasks, and of course there were a few personal matters in the area as well. Lady Vivienne and Warden Blackwall both had mentioned items of interest in the area, missing books and Warden relics. It was all worth investigating, and odds were fair that it would help further the cause and rally yet more support for the Inquisition. If it made her people's lives easier she'd journey into hell and back.

Or the Fade, if it really came to it.

Still, it was a hefty list, so Mathari had taken the time to pack writing supplies and bid Cullen a proper farewell before they left.

In between days of trekking under hot sun, over hotter sands, and sleeping through cold nights they gradually made progress. Evenings around the camp fire were spent listening to Bull's and Dorian's tales of jobs that the Chargers had taken, scandalous affairs at parties, and some tavern brawls, with Mathari helping to "translate" parts for Cole here and there. As she listened she wrote back to Skyhold. There was only enough time to write a handful of letters. The first contained updates regarding their progress, a description of the condition of the fort and mention of some supplies that they should be sure to send along. She'd had the pleasure of speaking with Knight-Captain Rylen on his arrival, who'd asked her to give his regards to Cullen.

The second letter is a bit hastily written. They'd be delayed since there were a few matters more that he brought to her attention, but she was thinking of him and would see him as soon as they returned.

The next letter is smudged with soot in places, mostly the edges where she'd gripped it in place with the pad of one thumb. Their aiding the researcher had led them on a merry little chase around the Approach, and ended with them laying bait for a High Dragon. The upside: Bull was in an excellent mood for the remainder of the journey and they had some excellent materials for crafting now.

In the final letter the writing seems more weary and a bit more to the point, but also carries a relieved undertone. Followed a lead from Rylen, led to some old ruins, fought a giant, fought and killed a great number of Venatori, bringing home a "present" for the Inquisition.

They'd decided that it was likely enough productivity for one trip, afterwards, and would be making their way back to Skyhold. Mathari had never before been so relieved to feel the cold crunch of snow beneath her feet, or the bite of the mountain wind. She'd wasted no time in climbing the steps to the ramparts, ignoring Bull's knowing look as they parted at the top of the stairs. He headed for his quarters above the tavern, and she for Cullen's. She was too tired to remember climbing up to the roof, but just aware enough to knock, to let him know she was dropping in. The moment she'd shed enough layers she was slipping in under the covers and curling up next to him, ducking in under his arm and breathing in his familiar scent. The cold is forgotten, the exhaustion is forgotten, even the lingering little aches and pains from bruises and days of walking and riding are forgotten in that moment.

For the first time in days Mathari feels truly content, every muscle in her small frame finally allowed to truly relax. ]

I'm home.

[ Comes the sleepy voice, dark eyes closed for the moment. ]

(ooc: If you want we can either have them talk and cuddle for a bit, or do a small passage of time to him having some kind of nightmare, or whenever they're both more awake. Just leaving it open!)

[ She departs for the Western Approach and Cullen says perfunctory goodbyes in front of the small group that sends her off. It's not all entirely professional, though, because he doesn't think he could live with himself if those were the only last words that passed between them. Still, it's a bit reserved, one gloved hand over hers as he tells her to be careful and to come back to them safely.

Leliana seems to take it all in with interest and Cullen doesn't want to ask, even as the silhouette of the Inquisitor fades down the road leading out of Skyhold. They return to their duties and he tries not to worry.

Try being the key word.

The first letter is a welcome sight. It's full of information, of course, useful to the cause, but there's also Mathari's familiar tone. Her positivity bubbling over through words. He's pleased to hear from Rylen, even more pleased that things are working out in the Approach, as inhospitable as it is.

Her second letter is brief, to the point. She must've been writing between important duties. Cullen smiles when he reads it, an image of her frowning coming unbidden. It's that one look she has at the war table every now and again, brow furrowing, mouth turned down into a pout. For a rogue, she's quite expressive- a departure from the ever shadowed Leliana.

The soot smudges on the third letter are a bit alarming, but she seems to be in one piece from her writing. He suspects there will be a longer file on their encounters with the high dragon. He also suspects he'll be hearing about it in tall tale fashion at the Herald's Rest once Iron Bull is back. It will likely be the talk of Skyhold for at least a week.

Cullen doesn't have much time on his hands, constantly inundated with paperwork, meetings, and new recruits, but he manages to block out enough time to write back to Mathari. A brief update on the happenings at Skyhold, so she isn't swamped when she returns. It's all very business, but he reminds her to be careful. The thought of anything bad happening to her- well, he's lost more than a few nights of sleep over it.

(Is it better or worse than remembering Kinloch Hold?)

Her last letter leaves him feeling light. Relieved, that she'll be back soon. Grimly satisfied at the report of Venatori deaths. Dorian must be delighted in his own way.

Unfortunately, travel is not instantaneous, so the waiting begins. Cullen has never been any good at waiting, so he throws himself into his work even more than usual, taking scant hours to rest. Because rest means his mind will conjure up horrible things. Between that and a particularly bad week of withdrawal leaving him shaking, he wants to exert control where he can.

The day she's due to arrive back, he's busy fending off a migraine and trying to get some new recruits to get their stance right. It's enough to take his mind off the waiting, even if Cassandra eventually shoos him away from the practice ring with a look of disapproval and threats to make him eat and sleep if it's the last thing she does. He makes the climb up to his quarters and several days of poor sleep catch up to him once he lies down.

A familiar knock brings him awareness, just on the edges of sleep. Within moments, there's a rustling of fabric and soon, a air-chilled Inquisitor sliding in under the blankets. Instinctively, Cullen rolls towards her, nose pressed into her hair- she smells of sand and sun and chill mountain air. ]

Welcome back. I trust the ride back was uneventful?

[ The letter she received in return, no doubt, helped for the last push, but simultaneously left her eager to be back. It's all worth it once they're finally together again, but it doesn't make the time apart easier in the moment. She's all too glad to enjoy them as they come, like now.

The chill of the outdoors slowly begins to retreat as his body heat spreads to her, chasing away the goosebumps that had begun to prickle along her skin, and the tickle of his breath against her scalp prompts small tingles. There's a weary sort of thickness o his voice as he murmurs his greeting. All these little details are the things that she missed and why she's so pleased to return.

She brings a hand up to play her fingertips lazily over his chest. ]

Blessedly uneventful. I wouldn't have envied anyone causing any further delays in our return.

[ She says it in a joking manner, but it isn't exactly untrue, either. Just as Cullen had shown little patience for the interruption, even the Inquisitor had her limits. ]

How were things here?

Edited 2019-03-10 04:41 (UTC)

[ For a moment she's unsure exactly what to say. His smile feels telling, warning her to choose her words carefully. It's in the moments like this that she feels the weight of the mantle of leadership the keenest. Her words never carried so much weight when she was simply a hunter, or even just regarded as the Herald.

But it doesn't do to hesitate, either, even an inaction is technically still an action, sometimes the worst possible action, at that. ]

Ah...

[ Her hands clasp behind her back, a show of nerves that she admittedly hasn't felt for quite some time. The weight of his gaze is quite hefty as well, it seems. ]

I have to admit I'm not sure how to say this. I do hope you realize that I have nothing but the utmost respect for you, your position, what it means, and what you do for the Inquisition? I don't wish to give you the wrong impression.

[ There's a moment where Mathari pauses, shutting her eyes to take a breath before meeting his again. ]

However, I suppose it's also simply my nature to worry... You've been more withdrawn than usual... [ Her tone softens, questioning but not accusing, simply concerned. ]

Has it become worse...?

Even when I don't agree with your methods, you always have my backing, Inquisitor.

[ This would be flattery from anyone else lbr. ]

There are still lulls in war.

If only there weren't so much paperwork. If there's one thing I despise about a command post is the sheer amount of paperwork.

You're only keeping me from a twenty-five page requisitions report, for which I'm rather grateful. As far as days go, it's not terrible. And yourself?

[ Cullen huffs a laugh into her hair, the sound rough with the vestiges of sleep that still cling. He isn't quite exhausted but perhaps drowsy, the feeling settling down to his bones now that Mathari is back, safe and sound. It isn't unusual for him to sleep poorly, mind constantly worrying, but he rests marginally easier when the Inquisitor is in Skyhold. ]

Delaying the Inquisitor's return path would certainly be an unenviable position. [ She would handle it, whatever it happened to be, but he can practically see the grim line her mouth sets. The little furrow of her brow that shows she's a bit reluctant. ]

Busy, as usual. New recruits came in from Jader- most of them know how to hold a sword properly, even.

[ There's a prolonged silence and he hates it. Doesn't hate the Inquisitor for clearly trying to choose her words, but because every ticking second is another layer of worry. Anxiety pours on, syrupy and stifling.

When Mathari finally speaks up, he can't say he's exactly soothed. It could still be a build up to being let go. If he can't pass this test then he'll be relieved of his position– maybe it would be a small mercy. There's something else nagging at him, the fact it was so easy to tell when he wasn't feeling up and up. Transparent.

(Weak, so very weak).

So maybe he's a little more abrupt when he answers than he means to be. ]

I can still complete my work, please don't trouble yourself over it. Things will be ready on this end, whenever it's needed.

[ He's dodging the heart of the question, though it's easy enough to guess as to why. She need only imagine how she'd feel were their positions reversed, how she's felt in the past when approached by their lead hunter following the death of her parents.

"Mathari, are you sure you're up to this? It's fine if you need more time."

She'd been so terrified of being taken off the hunt, of being seen as incapable of handling her responsibilities... In retrospect she's not even sure why. Some irrational fear of not being seen as useful any longer, of she and her family not being able to pull their weight to remain with the clan. Her younger siblings made for many extra mouths to feed and they weren't old enough yet to fend for themselves, so it fell to her, to her brother, to her twin sister, and she couldn't leave it up to them alone.

Perhaps she's wrong, but the hastiness of his answer reminds her of that orphaned girl years ago, misunderstanding the attempts to offer help, understanding, patience. That's another assumption she keeps to herself. ]

I know that you can, Cullen. I don't doubt you.

[ Perhaps it's simply too personal a matter? She's the Inquisitor. Maybe it isn't her place. In some regards human customs and practices and their ideas of decorum still elude her. This could be one area in which she's crossing a line she's not meant to cross. If Josephine or Lady Vivienne or Dorian were here, would they be politely excusing her behavior, drawing her aside, explaining why it's too forward of her to show this much personal investment?

She hesitates, something that she's been glad to say she's done less and less in recent weeks, but worry that she's making the matter worse cause her to halt, unsure. ]

... It probably isn't my place, but I worry about you as a friend. [ Maybe that's assuming too much. He's her adviser, the Commander of the Inquisition. People's lives are at stake and war isn't the time for sentimentality, is it? But she can't change who she is. ]

I can't tell you what that support has meant to me, or what it continues to mean.

[ It's not an exaggeration to say that she's felt incredibly unprepared for the roles that she'd been given since the events at the conclave. From spy, to prisoner and convict, to Herald of Andraste, to Inquisitor. It's a lot for anyone to take in, let alone a Dalish elf. True, she's always believed in the presence of the Maker, thanks to her mother's outside influence. True, also, that she's from one of the more open minded clans of the Dalish. All the same, to suddenly be thrust into the heart of human politics has been... a lot. It's a good thing she's such a lover of books and learning new things, history, both past and recent. She'd taken every lesson thrown her way, been educated on the ways of nobility, Massache's Method, the arcane, history- of course, and even the underworld. Mathari would still be lost without the support of her advisers and inner circle, and she doesn't hesitate to give that credit where it's due. ]

Ah, yes. I never imagined I'd see so much parchment. I shouldn't complain, though. I imagine I see much more fieldwork than paper.

[ Still, she has the answer that she was hoping for, and from her position she can't help but grin. ]

Is that so? How grateful, exactly?

It fares. I can think of a few ways to make it better.

[ He laughs, and Mathari's smile grows, still sleepy but genuine joy bubbling through anyway.

She'd remained genuinely oblivious to the discomfort that she tends to cause in others when they find themselves in the unfortunate position of getting between herself and home- Skyhold -and Cullen. Dorian had hinted at it with a tease, and Solas made his usual roundabout comments, but it wasn't until Cole spoke up, ironically, that she finally picked up on it. Ironic because usually it took people a moment to decipher his cryptic way of speaking- often in a riddle type way. Mathari has grown accustomed to the boy's way of speaking, however, and from there it hadn't been hard to gather what he was talking about. At first she'd been mortified, but then she recalled a similar reaction from Cullen the day he kissed her and she'd wryly supposed it just made them that much more of a match.

At his comment about the recruits Mathari answers with a soft but sudden laugh of her own, both for the comment itself and the memory of similar ones he's made at the war table on occasion. Something about knowing which end to grip a sword by. ]

Well, that is something to be grateful for... Speaking of which, thank you for the updates while we were away. It's nice to not have to worry about being completely blind sided when we return.

[ Like one time returning to Skyhold, only to learn that Sera had somehow managed to gravely offend some Viscount. Something about cutlery and a poorly placed toupee...

She may never fully understand human practices. ]

[ Ah. This has been surprisingly heartfelt and he has no good response for her. He's said his piece. Though he does hope she understands the feeling behind it– he's never been great at expressing himself. ]

Truthfully, I think only Leliana and Josephine were prepared for the mountains of parchment. Cassandra, if she were aware, failed to mention it when she asked me to come on as an advisor.

[ He doubts she could've known. She's not the type to hide things, something he appreciates immensely. ]

Occasionally I miss going out. Then I hear of your encounters with high dragons and that desire goes to bed immediately.

I suppose I could give a demonstration of my gratitude, if you've the time.

[ She doesn't doubt him.

It's– well, it's a bit hard to swallow that. So much of him is cynical, more than ready to believe the worst. It wars with the part of him that trusts the Inquisitor. That knows she wouldn't just say things as a platitude, to smooth ruffled feathers. Not in this case, anyway, because thus far, she's been perfectly forthright with him. With all of them in Skyhold, as much as she possible can be.

He wills himself to relax, to stop his hand clenching in his lap, to drop his shoulders that scant inch so it doesn't look like he's bristling. ]

I– you've other worries, Inquisitor. [ It covers the underlying question: why?

(He knows why, because he opened his mouth, because he owed her an explanation, just in case. And now this, he's wasting her time). ]

[ It's such a small thing, but he's glad to hear her laugh. With her so close, he can feel the puff of air as she exhales it, the slight shaking of her shoulders, the reverberation through their ribs. Bone deep, he thinks, an unintended after effect, a bone deep happiness. Strange how much it warms him.

Or maybe not so strange. His perspective is skewed by years of living sparse, at arms' length, hollowed out by his poor decisions.

He holds her a little closer. ]

Of course, it was no trouble. I figured you might have wanted to be apprised of any, ah, misadventures of the Sera sort. For such a slight person, she gets into so much so quickly.

[ How she managed to get into his office thrice without anyone noticing is a miracle unto itself. He's waiting for the day he pulls a book out and there's another crudely doodled note on the front. There's no way he found all of the ones she left. ]

[ It's a good place to leave it, and so they do.

Instead, she finds herself picturing Cassandra's response to the current topic. Likely something along the lines of "I do not envy Commander Cullen his position. Such formalities and rigorous procedure have never been my strong suit.".

Based on past conversations, at least. Mathari recalls the talks they had at Haven once, about her training as a Seeker, her lack of patience, and the desire to act once she is aware of a problem. The imagined exchange seems fitting.

She tries not to laugh at the mention of their more adventurous encounters. They're without doubt the most intense battles that she's ever fought, but she also can't help but understand a bit of the fuss about it. True, at the end of a long string of missions and tasks, mucking through caves and fighting through hordes of undead and darkspawn and demons, the last thing she wants to encounter is a lightning breathing beast terrorizing the local villages. Still, going into such a battle well rested is much akin to preparing for a particularly challenging hunt, she supposes, less of an unexpected and unplanned for fight for their lives. ]

I suspect they'll prove to be good practice when the time comes to face Corephyus.

[ Grim, but true. They've yet to confirm whether his beast is darkspawn or simply a corrupted beast, but Mathari is putting her hopes on the latter, her gut is telling her so, and until they see the damned thing commanding an army of darkspawn she'll continue hoping.

But for now, she's arrived, leaping the somewhat short distance from the hole in his roof to the floor of his quarters overhead. No doubt he'll recognize the sound of her entrance, even without the usual call, and her footsteps after as she approaches the ladder and slides down, lips turned up with an impish smile. ]

Consider the time made... what did you have in mind?

[ They're small gestures, but they do a great deal to put her just a hair more at ease. The defensive bristle seems to leave his shoulders (which is good, because with his cloak it's all the more obvious when he tenses), and he seems to sit just a bit more relaxed, but it's the lines in his face that she pays the most attention to, his jaw, his brow, how they tense or knit or don't quite fully relax. His words and body language feel as though they're sending mixed signals, and all at once Mathari is reminded of her twin sister, back in the Free Marches.

She'd nearly perfected the art of playing at standing down to get others off her case. The personal motivations, their reasoning differed, most likely, but Mathari knows that look when she sees it.

Drawing in a steadying breath, Mathari draws a bit closer, slowly. ]

Perhaps. This is the one I've chosen to prioritize.

[ Odds are that she can't get away with pushing too hard without making matters worse. If he continues to insist she's not sure how to proceed, but the fact that he's not yet provided a direct answer, and that his answers have in fact suggested that her worries are founded, she doesn't want to leave without at least trying. She won't. ]

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•||• Mathari (Ari) Lavellan

Cullen » breakthehabit

TFLN cont.

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Thank Andraste it's Friday » breakthehabit

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